31 January 2007

if there was a quota for the amount of tears that each and everyone of us shall shed in our lifetime, i might have reached it. or maybe, as the years go by, our threshold for sadness gradually rises to a point where most things dont trigger the welling up of the eyes. why else would i, the self-admitted crybaby, find it hard to cry now?

i remember the times where i used to tear over the shows i watch, or the stories i read. when i was little, "the land before time" always sent me weeping into my pillow when the reel was nearing the end. when i was a little older and the internet crept into our lives, sad, fictitious stories that could be summarised just by "boy meets girl, boy and girl fall in love, boy dies, girl cries" often saw me dabbing a tissue under my eyes(come to think of it it was kinda stupid). later, relationships(not just those boy-girl relationships, okie) often caused me to sob beneath my blanket and sniffle my way to sleep.

have i somehow become less emotional after what i've been through all the past years? or maybe the tear ducts have become jaded and malfunctioned due to the heavy work load in the recent times. i can now count the times i've washed my face with those salty liquid in the past quarter of a year. before last september, i couldn't keep track. and interestingly enough, i might have been sent back in time to my toddler days for i've been shedding my tears for programmes i watch on the tele. silly but true. the past two times i've really squeezed out enough tears as to constitute to the action of crying was while watching the last few episodes of korean drama "goong" and the last few minutes of korean movie "my brother". perhaps its the appeal of the foreign language. tonight i found myself on the verge of tearing again. i was watching "cold case".

somehow i miss the feeling of tears trickling down my face before finally falling onto my lap from my chin. tiring no doubt, but at the same time, i get to do some catching up with my inner side.

i'm afraid i sound slightly... sadistic.

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