once again, i've been sat down to rush for a deadline. and once again it brought me back to the time when i was rushing for the coursework deadline. all the fluster! all the anxiety! ah, i'm reminiscing. i still remember the time the scope opened for the exhibition. i remember the pride building up in me as i showed visitors the courseworks and explained to them the details of each artist's hard work and ideas. i remember the emotions welling up as the presentation ran. the complexity, the mixture of all emotions.
was i happy that i had finally finished toiling or was i sad that it's all coming to an end?
was i shy to be one of the "artists" presenting the exhibition or was i simply beaming with pride?
were those tears of joy? or was i crying because i was sad?
it does not matter. what matters is the fact that what i did was worth it. even if it was just mere minutes. the effort, the time, the sleepless nights. all worth every second of it. i would give up everything for that whole package of emotions i felt when my work was finally presented to the public. it felt so good. in fact the word good doesnt quite do it justice.
it wasnt the first time i felt this way. i had when i participated in syf for my orchestras during primary and secondary schools. i had when i was on stage for public concerts for dhscos. and today, i felt it when the models walked down the runway in raffles city atrium. how the anxiety gradually built up before the lights shone. how i could hear my heart beating when the words nanyang academy of fine arts school of fashion studies came up on the screen. how the smile crept onto my face when models finally emerged, one by one, doing their pony walk. i didnt design the collection. i didnt do everything by myself. but in one way or another i had participated. and that made me feel proud of myself. and i am willing to put myself through all hard work to feel that roller-coaster of emotions again.
even though at the time when that was said, i didnt have the time to react very positively to the comment, i know it created a ripple in me. i guess its something i wont forget. and even more greatly can i relate to it now that i've realised how one's passion can fuel everything. now i can say that i've been there, and done that...