Small Talk

so this is it. new year's eve. maybe i'll just be another insignificant figure to be joining in the mass reflecting on the blogosphere. but hey, thats what i would like to do and no one's stopping me! (not that anyone tried ^^)

my thoughts are all in a mess. feeling like a fly trapped in a black widow's web doesnt even describe it well enough. and i shall attempt in organising (something i'm not very good with) these thoughts. so many to recall, so many to remember. i guess people get flashbacks when something's gonna end, and yeah, i'm getting lotsa flashbacks at this moment. much happened this year. some i'm glad and proud of, and some i'm not. but i believe all had contributed, in one way or another, to my growing up. and lets not forget, growing old.

one thing i'm truly proud of was to break free. in more ways than i had realised.

i decided to pursue something i truly believed in. and for that i'm happy. fashion school isnt what anyone would truly expect to see a junior college graduate in. it did take a lot out of me to fight, to fulfil my own wishes. but it was worth it (even if there werent, in fact still arent, any eye candy for me to feast upon in the 6-storey building off bencoolen st). it is, ironically at this time of the year, just the start.

leaving things, the once-important-but-no-longer things, behind proved to be hard. lotsa courage, lotsa tears, but once again, all worth the effort. liberation felt good. so did the freedom and light-weighted feeling that followed the abandoning of the unneccessary burden(no, not literally. yes, i know i still need to lose weight before i can truly proclaim the real "light-weighted" feeling). not forgetting acquiring the new attitude to suit my new hair-cut (my long hair was once important too!).

i am also thankful, and will perpetually be, to have a wonderful group of friends who have willingly or otherwise, lugged me through the year despite their own heavy burdens (you know who you are dont you? all of you. young or old ^^) i am grateful for all the times you have decided to not leave me alone when i get obviously bad-tempered. i am also extraordinarily comforted to be able to get together with the whole bunch of you just before the turn of the year and still feel like i've gone back to the days where we would stay in school late, way after the cows came home, to work out mission impossible. even though mission impossible was made possible more than 365 days ago, i smile at the memories we've all had together and will carry on to share. i know it sounds so uber mushy and cliche but still, i simply love you all.

to the people who were not included above, i thank you too, for helping me go through the past 365 days. if you are still there beside me, i appreciate you for staying with me through it all. and you know appreciate is just not strong enough for me to let you know my immense gratitude. if you have long been gone, i appreciate your leaving. without you who have left, i wouldnt have realised the loyalty and love of those who stayed (and very appropriately, i dont need a man by the pussycat dolls plays now).

when the clock strikes 12, i would be 1 day closer to getting 20. to realise this fact has made me think life is far too short and time has past all too quickly. have i lived in vain for the past, statiscally calculated, 1/4 of my lifetime? new year new resolutions, they always say. i think i would wanna, very simply, live life. enjoy every second and minute of it, appreciate every sound and sight, savour every scent and taste, fulfil every wish and responsibility to the best i can. and be innocently happy. at least till the next turn of the year comes.

sometimes i think the year came and went all too soon. am i even geared up for the upcoming 2007? but i guess i dont really have the liberty to choose.