so this is it. new year's eve. maybe i'll just be another insignificant figure to be joining in the mass reflecting on the blogosphere. but hey, thats what i would like to do and no one's stopping me! (not that anyone tried ^^)

my thoughts are all in a mess. feeling like a fly trapped in a black widow's web doesnt even describe it well enough. and i shall attempt in organising (something i'm not very good with) these thoughts. so many to recall, so many to remember. i guess people get flashbacks when something's gonna end, and yeah, i'm getting lotsa flashbacks at this moment. much happened this year. some i'm glad and proud of, and some i'm not. but i believe all had contributed, in one way or another, to my growing up. and lets not forget, growing old.

one thing i'm truly proud of was to break free. in more ways than i had realised.

i decided to pursue something i truly believed in. and for that i'm happy. fashion school isnt what anyone would truly expect to see a junior college graduate in. it did take a lot out of me to fight, to fulfil my own wishes. but it was worth it (even if there werent, in fact still arent, any eye candy for me to feast upon in the 6-storey building off bencoolen st). it is, ironically at this time of the year, just the start.

leaving things, the once-important-but-no-longer things, behind proved to be hard. lotsa courage, lotsa tears, but once again, all worth the effort. liberation felt good. so did the freedom and light-weighted feeling that followed the abandoning of the unneccessary burden(no, not literally. yes, i know i still need to lose weight before i can truly proclaim the real "light-weighted" feeling). not forgetting acquiring the new attitude to suit my new hair-cut (my long hair was once important too!).

i am also thankful, and will perpetually be, to have a wonderful group of friends who have willingly or otherwise, lugged me through the year despite their own heavy burdens (you know who you are dont you? all of you. young or old ^^) i am grateful for all the times you have decided to not leave me alone when i get obviously bad-tempered. i am also extraordinarily comforted to be able to get together with the whole bunch of you just before the turn of the year and still feel like i've gone back to the days where we would stay in school late, way after the cows came home, to work out mission impossible. even though mission impossible was made possible more than 365 days ago, i smile at the memories we've all had together and will carry on to share. i know it sounds so uber mushy and cliche but still, i simply love you all.

to the people who were not included above, i thank you too, for helping me go through the past 365 days. if you are still there beside me, i appreciate you for staying with me through it all. and you know appreciate is just not strong enough for me to let you know my immense gratitude. if you have long been gone, i appreciate your leaving. without you who have left, i wouldnt have realised the loyalty and love of those who stayed (and very appropriately, i dont need a man by the pussycat dolls plays now).

when the clock strikes 12, i would be 1 day closer to getting 20. to realise this fact has made me think life is far too short and time has past all too quickly. have i lived in vain for the past, statiscally calculated, 1/4 of my lifetime? new year new resolutions, they always say. i think i would wanna, very simply, live life. enjoy every second and minute of it, appreciate every sound and sight, savour every scent and taste, fulfil every wish and responsibility to the best i can. and be innocently happy. at least till the next turn of the year comes.

sometimes i think the year came and went all too soon. am i even geared up for the upcoming 2007? but i guess i dont really have the liberty to choose.

i can feel it creeping up.
i recognise it from the few, but impressionable acquaintances we've had.
but why now?
it is such a bad time.
not now.
and its not a good sign.
is it?



i hope it fades.
or do i not?



i know i sound schizophrenic.

i love kids...


ps. if i say she's my daughter, would you believe me?

i'm looking at you through the glass
dont know how much time has past
all i know is that it feels like forever
but no one ever tells you
that forever feels like home
you're sitting all alone
inside your head





what have i gotten myself into?
i dont really know.
maybe
i dont wanna know.





and while you're outside looking in
describing what you see
remember what you're staring at is me

*a little too much cream cheese a little too much cranberry jam*

i know supper isnt good. but cant a girl indulge once in a while? whats more its gonna be the last supper of the year! i promise!

itchy fingers.

textile fundamentals is useful when watching tv.

in tonight's prison break, the guard uniform that michael scofield was wearing must have been made from at least one of the following fibres:

acetate, acrylic, nylon, polyester




because it melted with heat.









textile fundamentals is useful.

well i know i'm supposed to be able to see the rainbow, but the rain hasnt even stopped! my plans have been foiled.

1. i cant go jog. =(

2. i cant go get my groceries. =((

3. no groceries = cant bake my tartlets. =(((

4. makes me sleepy. so i become a pig. =((((

5. tanning = mission impossible. =(((((

6. shopping = chore. because i dont like wet feet. =((((((

7. when i have nothing to do i think of cute guys. but there isnt any cute guys! >_<"




i need the rain to stop.

am i in position to give ppl advice over matters of the heart?

i love christmas.

ARGH!

i'm getting very frustrated. so stop rattling in my ear like a rattling snake on the desert floor.

taufik hidayat is such a lucky bastard (i mean that in a good way).












i love arrogance in he who can deliver.

i've seen the eigth wonder of the world. and it really made me wonder.

have you ever seen someone so ever exhilarated to receive cupcakes?



chocolate cupcakes with peanut butter, walnut and cream cheese filling and chocolate glaze (adapted from the Cupcake Bakeshop by Chockylit)


my father once asked me
"you always bake for your friends. do they ever give you anything?"









they do. and i know it.

if you considered how scatterbrained i was when i baked this loaf of cranberry nut bread, you would definitely applaud me for having acheived the unachievable. yes. the loaf was edible. and it turned out quite well actually.



the tragic happenings my cranberry nut bread (shall be called CNB from now on. no its got nothing to do with drugs or police. the only white powdery substances that were in my mixing bowl were flour and baking powder.) experienced are as follows...

1. after mixing the wets and the drys together, i realised the "batter" was more like a "dough". i had to incoporate everything using my hands to knead, instead of stirring and folding like making cake batter. was it really supposed to be so dry? the recipe mentioned "batter". would discover later, to my extreme horror, that i missed out an important ingredient.

2. the plate of grated orange zest was sitting right under my nose and i forgot all about it. so i decided to just sprinkle it over my loaf.

3. when filling up my loaf pan, i realised, to my utmost embarrassment, that i had forgotten to preheat my oven. oh god. this isnt my first time.

4. this is where my nightmare began. looking at the loaf pan filled with my "batter", i asked myself what i could have probably missed out. and there, the small voice from my "batter" whispered, "YOU FORGOT EGGS YOU IDIOT!". OH GOD! so i had to take my "batter" out of the buttered loaf pan, crack and beat up 2 eggs, then clumsily and awkwardly try to incoporate the eggs to make the real batter.

5. my loaf didnt rise as much as i would like it to. it probably had to do with the fact that my eggs werent added when they were really supposed to, resulting the the loss of air in the batter. or maybe i should have double sifted my drys. it could also be the fact that i forgot to preheat my oven.

6. my loaf cant come out of my pan. so i had to try to get it out by running the knife along the sides and also try to scoop it out. a small bit of the bottom got stuck onto the pan.





i'm sorry CNB.


i cut the loaf into slices and popped them into the toaster for a few minutes and gave them a thick spread of cranberry jam that i had made previously. i believe honey and cream cheese would work well too.

i'm so excited about christmas that "excited" doesnt really express it clearly enough! being the same old ambitious me, i've been running in my head a list of things that i'm thinking to make for the party. then again, i'm not like a rich tai tai who can just prepare food at home the whole day and wait for guests to come.







ok.
.
one day, i would wanna be a rich tai tai who can prepare food for parties and wait for guests to arrive.
.
.
.
one fine day.
.
.
.
.
.
or maybe i'll just open a nice bistro cum boutique.
.
.
.
.
.
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hrm.... maybe.